You know where they finish, right? Last.
They watch the girl of their dreams date asshole after asshole; and maybe they even have to nod their head and listen to her bitch about these unworthy guys. They offer consoling words to her. Stroke her hair and genuinely care for her.
But inside they are angry. And rightfully so.
They are wicked mad that these cocky pricks are getting the bounty time after time, and they are simply cleanup detail. They are in the friend zone, and while they do genuinely appreciate her opening up and crying on their respective shoulders, their dicks aren't impressed.
These guys have had a good case for awhile now. I have yet to see or read something dispute that women are stupid and go for fast men until these same women mature and settle down with a nice guy. It's a rarely argued stereotype. Confident, good-looking jerks get the girl; and kind-hearted genuine nice guys get the woman...eventually. It perpetuates that if only girls would wise up and go for them sooner, both of them would suffer less.
I'm here to offer a different perspective.
I have often been accused of this behavior, and have rejected more than a couple nice guys. My dating log shows a series of short-spanned trysts ending with me either secretly or publicly upset.
I was feeling extremely foolish by the age of 28 when I found myself single and turning down genuinely good guys. Guys who were always there for me. Who said phenomenal and caring things that I want to include in romance novels. And they really meant it. I was struggling hard with knowing I was intelligent enough to know better, mature enough to want better, and emotionally ready for more than trysts...and yet I was still making the same "mistakes."
Why was I doing that?
Maybe my masochistic side still had a grip. Maybe I still wasn't mature enough to be in a real relationship. Maybe I didn't want to allow myself to be happy. Maybe these guys just weren't the one. Why wouldn't they be the one when they are so amazing? Why wouldn't I at least give it a try to see if they were the one? Maybe I'm afraid of letting him down.
And then it hit me.
Maybe I don't want to hurt the guys who don't deserve it.
It's not saintly to think that a woman doesn't want to hurt someone. Women, as a gender, are natural born caregivers who nurture and protect. It's written in our DNA. Guys punch each other and we do each others hair.
I don't want to date a nice guy for the same reason an asshole doesn't want to call me his girlfriend: cuz then he has to put his money where his mouth is. There is an inherent safety in dating one of these non-committers because their heart's not in it from the beginning. They are not going to be scarred for life if I freak out and wanna move away, or see someone else, or keep secrets. Or if I realize they aren't the one and have to break up with them. Hell, I don't ever have to worry about breaking up with them in the first place.
I don't have to do any of that with assholes. I just have to endure the erratic feeling of being a number, a trick, a lay, a score. I have to be the one who feels bad, and if one of these assholes does manage to get hurt somehow, I rest easy knowing that he deserves it to right a wrong for some other girl he's made to feel like this. I accept the responsibility of being the one on a dead end trail and caring about it. I enter into agreement with an asshole understanding that it will end with me unhappy.
We don't want to hurt you. We don't want to hurt anything. Unless we are a total cunt, who--by the way-- makes the assholes out of the factory. These total cunts cut men from nice guys the first time they go ahead and cheat on them. The first time they manipulate or humiliate them. The first time they use them for money or wealth or fame. The cunt faction of my gender create the monsters we refer to as assholes. They wreak havoc on men, and with less emotion than some of the worst asshole guys. Women have far more capacity for sociopathic behavior than men.
So the cunts create them, and then us girls who don't really know what we want yet, but do know we don't want to hurt someone, dabble in the asshole's world. We hide from having to open up or share or create truly intimate relationships by dating these men. We create martyrs of ourselves by getting hurt by assholes over and over again, out of a fear of making a nice guy cry.
It is not until we reach definite maturity that we can start to understand ourselves, our preferences, our needs. For me, not until later in life when I can so much as say the words "I want to be a wife." Or "I want to have children." Let alone WHOSE children.
Nice guys take it from a level of having fun until I'm the one to get hurt, to a level of "oh shit, do I want to MARRY this person?" and then he is hurt. Of course I think nice guys should get everything good out of life; and I often worry for their niceness the longer it takes for them to get any payout. I worry some cunt will get her hooks into them and drain them of their niceness. Or that their heart will tire of searching without retribution. I have often thought of defying my instincts and trying to force into a relationship with a nice guy. But how is that fair for him?
Nice guys aren't looking to get in your pants and then leave minutes after finishing before you. They finish last, after you have, and after waiting for you to figure out what you need and want out of life. It's hard. Painful to watch a girl you love get hurt, and bitter to watch her choose someone less deserving than you. Women are complex and confusing creatures, and we hurt a lot too.
Maybe some of us like the challenge of a bad guy...the challenge of making him love us when he's so unavailable. Maybe some of us are just plain attracted to the asshole sexually. Maybe we are masochistic and like getting emotionally hurt.
My vote is that a lot of us, knowingly or not, go with a safe bet of an asshole. Someone who can't be hurt because he'll be the one doing the hurting.
Sure. Nice guys finish last. I couldn't agree more. But that's precisely because they are nice guys.
They watch the girl of their dreams date asshole after asshole; and maybe they even have to nod their head and listen to her bitch about these unworthy guys. They offer consoling words to her. Stroke her hair and genuinely care for her.
But inside they are angry. And rightfully so.
They are wicked mad that these cocky pricks are getting the bounty time after time, and they are simply cleanup detail. They are in the friend zone, and while they do genuinely appreciate her opening up and crying on their respective shoulders, their dicks aren't impressed.
These guys have had a good case for awhile now. I have yet to see or read something dispute that women are stupid and go for fast men until these same women mature and settle down with a nice guy. It's a rarely argued stereotype. Confident, good-looking jerks get the girl; and kind-hearted genuine nice guys get the woman...eventually. It perpetuates that if only girls would wise up and go for them sooner, both of them would suffer less.
I'm here to offer a different perspective.
I have often been accused of this behavior, and have rejected more than a couple nice guys. My dating log shows a series of short-spanned trysts ending with me either secretly or publicly upset.
I was feeling extremely foolish by the age of 28 when I found myself single and turning down genuinely good guys. Guys who were always there for me. Who said phenomenal and caring things that I want to include in romance novels. And they really meant it. I was struggling hard with knowing I was intelligent enough to know better, mature enough to want better, and emotionally ready for more than trysts...and yet I was still making the same "mistakes."
Why was I doing that?
Maybe my masochistic side still had a grip. Maybe I still wasn't mature enough to be in a real relationship. Maybe I didn't want to allow myself to be happy. Maybe these guys just weren't the one. Why wouldn't they be the one when they are so amazing? Why wouldn't I at least give it a try to see if they were the one? Maybe I'm afraid of letting him down.
And then it hit me.
Maybe I don't want to hurt the guys who don't deserve it.
It's not saintly to think that a woman doesn't want to hurt someone. Women, as a gender, are natural born caregivers who nurture and protect. It's written in our DNA. Guys punch each other and we do each others hair.
I don't want to date a nice guy for the same reason an asshole doesn't want to call me his girlfriend: cuz then he has to put his money where his mouth is. There is an inherent safety in dating one of these non-committers because their heart's not in it from the beginning. They are not going to be scarred for life if I freak out and wanna move away, or see someone else, or keep secrets. Or if I realize they aren't the one and have to break up with them. Hell, I don't ever have to worry about breaking up with them in the first place.
I don't have to do any of that with assholes. I just have to endure the erratic feeling of being a number, a trick, a lay, a score. I have to be the one who feels bad, and if one of these assholes does manage to get hurt somehow, I rest easy knowing that he deserves it to right a wrong for some other girl he's made to feel like this. I accept the responsibility of being the one on a dead end trail and caring about it. I enter into agreement with an asshole understanding that it will end with me unhappy.
We don't want to hurt you. We don't want to hurt anything. Unless we are a total cunt, who--by the way-- makes the assholes out of the factory. These total cunts cut men from nice guys the first time they go ahead and cheat on them. The first time they manipulate or humiliate them. The first time they use them for money or wealth or fame. The cunt faction of my gender create the monsters we refer to as assholes. They wreak havoc on men, and with less emotion than some of the worst asshole guys. Women have far more capacity for sociopathic behavior than men.
So the cunts create them, and then us girls who don't really know what we want yet, but do know we don't want to hurt someone, dabble in the asshole's world. We hide from having to open up or share or create truly intimate relationships by dating these men. We create martyrs of ourselves by getting hurt by assholes over and over again, out of a fear of making a nice guy cry.
It is not until we reach definite maturity that we can start to understand ourselves, our preferences, our needs. For me, not until later in life when I can so much as say the words "I want to be a wife." Or "I want to have children." Let alone WHOSE children.
Nice guys take it from a level of having fun until I'm the one to get hurt, to a level of "oh shit, do I want to MARRY this person?" and then he is hurt. Of course I think nice guys should get everything good out of life; and I often worry for their niceness the longer it takes for them to get any payout. I worry some cunt will get her hooks into them and drain them of their niceness. Or that their heart will tire of searching without retribution. I have often thought of defying my instincts and trying to force into a relationship with a nice guy. But how is that fair for him?
Nice guys aren't looking to get in your pants and then leave minutes after finishing before you. They finish last, after you have, and after waiting for you to figure out what you need and want out of life. It's hard. Painful to watch a girl you love get hurt, and bitter to watch her choose someone less deserving than you. Women are complex and confusing creatures, and we hurt a lot too.
Maybe some of us like the challenge of a bad guy...the challenge of making him love us when he's so unavailable. Maybe some of us are just plain attracted to the asshole sexually. Maybe we are masochistic and like getting emotionally hurt.
My vote is that a lot of us, knowingly or not, go with a safe bet of an asshole. Someone who can't be hurt because he'll be the one doing the hurting.
Sure. Nice guys finish last. I couldn't agree more. But that's precisely because they are nice guys.
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